Infinite Possibilities Coaching

Is your internal judge alive and well? Mine certainly is. I believe I listen to my internal judge talk more than anyone else in my life. How about you? Our judge is always on the job, “I wouldn’t do it that way”, “She doesn’t look good in that color”, “Wow, I blew that”, “That was terrible service”, and on and on and on. We constantly judge others and ourselves.

It is the judging of ourselves that causes the most damage. Most of us humans can do a pretty spectacular job of beating ourselves up. Sometimes this chatter is non-stop and stems from our own beliefs and perceptions. We may believe that we are not worthy of love, that our work is not good enough or that our body is ugly and many other self defeating judgements. And although often times we have many people in our lives telling us differently, we will choose to listen to our internal judge.

I wish there was a way to permanently turn off that internal judge, unfortunately, I know of none. What we can do is become aware of how we are judging ourselves and interrupt the thought patterns. We can open our mind to the realization that there is always another way to view any experience in life. Everyone has options whenever an experience does not bring us peace we can choose to look at it from a different perspective. Simply by being aware that there is a possibility of another way of looking at it, we can create the opportunity for a peaceful resolution.

We can choose to change our beliefs and perceptions that have become obstacles in our lives. If we are honest with ourselves most of us know the limiting beliefs and judgements that have become recurring thoughts. An exercise that may help is to write down those recurring judgements on a piece of paper and carry them with you for at least 21 days, when you experience your internal judge holding you back, simply squeeze that piece of paper, squeezing the thought from your mind. If you interrupt the pattern often enough you can stop the thought and choose a pleasant one to replace it. Most of those thoughts continue to return because we have developed the habit to judge that aspect of ourselves. Choosing to use the exercise for 21 days will help to break the habit. You are a fabulous person that brings joy to everyone who encounters you, remind yourself often.

What I have noticed about most people is that they don’t possess the courage to ask for what they really want in their lives.  When was the last time to told someone close to you what you needed from them?  Have you told someone you need to be told your special, that on Tuesdays you need extra attention, that you want your laundry completed a certain way, or that you need support for a project you want to take on?  Or are you one of those people who expect others to intuitively know what they need and want from them, and then when you don’t get it you feel entitled to be angry?

Why do many of us feel that telling others, asking others for what we want and need in life is somehow selfish?  I believe that it feels too risky to expose ourselves, to be seen as selfish or pushy, or to face the fact that it is possible that the request will be rejected.  Who likes rejection?  The risk feels too great and the prospect of losing someon’es acceptance too overwhelming, so we remain silent. 

Ask yourself, “do you ever want something yet say nothing just to be polite or keep from rocking the boat?”  Promoise yourself that you will no longer remain silent in the face of a temperamental or unreasonable person.  Choose to take control of your life.

Take full responsibility for filling your needs.  Giving up what you really want and need in your life will create resentment that comes when your needs are not fulfilled.  Choose not to be a volunteer victim. 

Examine what you really want and need in your life.  If you do not know what you want you can not communicate it to others.  Know what you want and communicate it with courage.